What do you say when someone you care about tells you they’ve had a miscarriage? It’s hard. You want to say the right thing—but the right thing feels impossible to find.
If this isn’t what you need or want to read today, please take care of yourself and come back another time. We’ll be here. Also, as always, I’m not a medical or mental health professional. I’m just someone who’s been there, and who wants to help make these conversations a little less isolating.
The 6 Words I Said When a Friend Told Me About Her Miscarriage
The warm rain was falling softly outside my office window when her text came through.
- “Got a minute?”
- “For you? Of course.”
Then the call came. I could hear it in her voice—something was wrong. She paused often as she spoke, sharing only what she was ready to say. I listened.
And when she stopped, I listened to the silence. And the rain.
When it felt like she was done, I took a deep breath. My mind was racing …
I didn’t even know she was pregnant. Her experience was so similar to mine. Should I say that? (Answer: No. Not now.) What am I going to say? I don’t want to say the wrong thing. What should I say?
And then, these six words came out:
“That sucks. I’m here for you.”
Talking about miscarriage is hard—for the person going through it and for the people who want to show up for them.
If you’re looking for more guidance on how to be there for someone who’s had a miscarriage—what helps, what hurts, and what not to say—I shared more in this post.
The more we talk about miscarriage, the less alone someone might feel.
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