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Why’d You Wait So Long?
(And Other Questions That Deserve Side-Eye) He regretted it the moment the words came out of his mouth. I could tell. “So… why’d you wait so long to have kids?” he asked, somewhere between small talk and small panic. I paused. He paused. Time paused. Was this man seriously asking me that—here? In the middle…
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The Day My 3-Year-Old Became a Philosopher (Sort Of)
In today’s installment of ‘funny things my kid says,’ this parent wonders if her child might be an oracle—or just has perfect comic timing. An L-shaped sidewalk forms a path from the parking lot to the front door of our airplane-hangar-turned-gymnastics-facility (so popular there’s a 4-month wait list). Picture a small grassy hill with a…
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Things Your Girlfriends with Kids Don’t Tell You—Until You Join the Club
Back in my carefree childless days—we’re talking a couple decades ago, because I’m a Geriatric Millennial and an older first-time mom (a.k.a. an advanced maternal)—my girlfriends who had children were a little bit of a mystery to me. Not unlike an international student studying abroad, when I was in their world, I didn’t quite speak…
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How I Dress My Toddler Like a Tiny Fashion Influencer for Under $50
Last week, I watched my 3-year-old outgrow a $28 Target outfit while wearing it. Okay, not literally, but close enough. One minute he’s strutting around like a tiny runway model, the next minute his ankles are showing. The latest government estimate says we’ll spend $400,937,635.97 raising our kids. Don’t you have that kind of spare…
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BABY-ARMOR™ Executive Infant Protection System
Why baby proof your home when you can armor your baby? Pregnant at 39? You didn’t climb the corporate ladder and curate a West Elm-worthy home just to live in a foam-padded college dorm. Why should YOU adapt when clearly the baby should learn to navigate your investment pieces? Introducing the BABY-ARMOR™ Executive Infant Protection…
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Baby Names 101: The Ultimate Guide for Smart Parents (Not Your Average Baby Name List)
Welcome to Baby Names 101, one of the most popular classes offered at this institution and the only baby naming class where failure isn’t measured in grades—it’s measured in middle school therapy bills.” An important clarification: This is not a list of potential baby names, their country of origin, meaning, or popularity by birth year.…
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Can You Get Pregnant at 40?
(Spoiler: Yes, You Absolutely Can) Um, yeah. Duh. Oh, wait. I’m sorry. Did you go to a school district that banned sex ed? [Editor’s note: that may, in fact, be all U.S. school districts now.] So, why are you Googling this? Whatever brought you here, welcome. You’re not alone. If You’re Wondering about the Birds…
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The 6 Stages of Toddler Sleep Training When You’re an Older Mom (Spoiler: Denial Comes First)
At 40-something, I thought I’d mastered the art of looking put-together. Then my three-year-old decided sleep was optional, and now I’m Googling “Is wearing two different shoes a cry for help?” Okay, let’s dive into the six stages of sleep training (or, in my case, re-training a toddler). Few things in life are more humbling…
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Dreaded Job Interview Questions for Older Parents (and How Not to Answer Them)
[And how NOT to answer them] Job interviews are stressful for everyone—but for working parents in their 40s juggling toddlers and t-ball, they’re practically a contact sport. If you’re navigating a career shift with young kids in tow, here are the interview questions we all dread—and exactly how not to answer them. Q: “We generally…
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10 Funny Memes About Life in Your 40s (Especially If You’re Also Raising a Toddler)
(a.k.a. “Advanced Maternal Studies in Chaos & Calcium Supplements”) The best way to approach your 40s? With a healthy dose of self-deprecation and hilarious memes. Especially if you’re an older parent of young children. Fellow Geriatric Millennials and Exennials: we know you love a good meme. So after you get the kids down to sleep…
