5 Funny Preschool Incident Reports That Secretly Make Parents Proud

The preschool teacher’s face said it all: My child had earned yet another preschool incident report—but this time, it was so funny it deserved to be framed. Sound familiar?

Sound familiar?

My kiddo’s child care program’s equivalent to getting called into the principal’s office is the preschool incident report. Think: an old school, carbonless two-part paper form that often requires two signatures and the most painfully awkward conversation.

While I’m genuinely grateful for the feedback to help me raise a good human, the steady stream of incident reports can become overwhelming—especially when they’re just routine “ouch reports” documenting every minor scraped knee and sandbox dispute.

Sometimes, I daydream about incident reports that would make me secretly proud rather than concerned. End your week with a smile as I share a few hypothetical preschool incidents where I’d pretend to be mortified by while secretly framing the reports for posterity:

• Nap-time Rebellion: Disrupting nap time by leading a group chant of “No. Sleep. ’til. Brooklyn.”
• Bruno-Only Policy: Inventing a new game where kids only respond to teachers with “We don’t talk about Bruno”—regardless of the question asked.
• Toddler Twerk Movement: Inciting a toddler twerking trend during dance party time. (Okay, this one actually happened—read the full mortifying story here.)
• Snack Justice Warrior: Organizing a protest when organic cacao nibs were replaced with Nestlé’s chocolate chunks. (Future community organizer? Maybe I should stop reading chapters of Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals as bedtime stories.)
• Dino Truther: Using circle time to explain to classmates why dinosaurs can’t be extinct because “they’re still finding bones!”

What preschool ‘incident’ would secretly make you proud? (And please tell me I’m not the only one saving these reports for future graduation decorations.)

Join us Fridays for a smile break at the end of your week: the Advance Maternal: Quick Wit series. Start your weekend off right with a little levity.